PurpAnd

A few years ago I went river rafting with some friends down the American River here in Sacramento. It’s a leisurely summertime activity and usually involves a huge rented raft, a cooler, and a whole bunch of friends. Our event was no exception.

We headed up the hill late one Saturday morning in June and picked up our 8-person raft. We were set with food and refreshments and carried it all down the beach trail to the water. After stripping down (just a little), applying sunscreen, and loading up, we drifted our way out into the main stream.

It was a crowded day on the river with many rafts pulled off to the side picnicking and partying. As we came around a bend into an open area we noticed a whole bunch of groups parked along the riverbank. One group in particular caught our attention…

A small group of 3 or 4 guys were huddled around a goose in the water. One guy thought he’d be cool and throw something at it, then another guy had to escalate the situation so he picked up a rock - about the size of a basketball - and tossed it at the goose. Ass. Well, he hit it and the goose began to flail. Seeing this horrible display, one of my friends (an assistant district attorney and a rural California native) jumped out of the raft and swam to these neanderthals to give them a piece of his mind.

Upon arriving at the goose, he picked it up and carried it over to the rock-chucker. He said you need to be a man and put this goose down. The guy refused. This made things worse and the two got into a shouting match.

The other guys did not like this one bit so they came charging toward my friend. This sparked the protective response in two of us in the raft and we jumped out to come to our friend’s aid. It was a bit of a trek, through water and over rocky shoreline, so by the time I arrived at the group, (a good 50 yards from where I had lept out of the raft), our assistant DA friend was back in the water floating downstream, my other friend was being chased into the river, and I was surrounded by three guys - one of whom didn’t waste any time and clobbered me right in the face.

I was knocked off my feet and into the water. My sunglasses were shaken from my head (I ended up losing them). As I was kneeling face down in the river, he continued to punch me in the back of the head until I finally got smart and yelled, “that’s enough!” Once the pummeling stopped, I rose out of the water and noticed about 30 people staring at me. I had been in a fight, got whooped in a hurry, and never even threw a punch. Manly, eh ladies?

Shaking from the adrenaline, I made my way back to our raft and we cruised for a bit until we saw a police officer standing up on the levy (we never did find out if he was there in response to our episode). We pulled out of the water and gave the whole story to the cop. We waited, waited, and waited some more for this group of guys to come by, but they never did. We got back in the raft and tried to have a good time the rest of the way, but it was difficult. Hard to ignore an episode like this. Once we reached the end, we waited again, but still, these guys didn’t show. Perhaps they left their raft and ran off, or maybe they took it with them. In any case, they did not finish on the river that day.

After it was all said and done, I was bruised and slightly bloodied, and there was no one to take the blame. I had made a poor choice to get involved and I had to learn the hard way. I earned no merit badge for fighting (although you could argue I earned a merit badge in punching baggedness), and I was extremely embarrased and emasculated in front of my friends.

Few people know this story, only those who were there that day, but I figured it was time to share. I learned a lot from this experience… 1) if you’re gonna back someone up, make sure they are there still when you arrive, 2) don’t approach a gang with an aggressive look on your face, 3) don’t try to take the law into your own hands, 4) mind your business as much as possible, and most importantly 5) I am not as scary/intimidating as I think I am.

I was extremely saddened by what these guys did to that bird, I was angered that they wouldn’t do the humane thing (after being so inhumane), and I was embarrased when I got my butt kicked. When it comes to my friends though, there isn’t much I won’t do… and that includes taking a few punches.