PurpAnd

I’m a people-pleaser. Always have been. I often sacrifice what it is that I want for what I think others want. This pattern of behavior has worked fine for me because the satisfaction of seeing others get what they want is something I am proud to provide.

The problem with this behavior though is that still, in my late-twenties, I don’t really know myself. You other people-pleasers will know what I mean when I explain… Anyone ever ask you what your favorite type of food was, where you want to go on vacation, or what your favorite music was? Ever pause for longer than you expected while trying to come up with answers to these questions only to recognize that you have no answers. That’s what being a people-pleaser is like and the result is that I’ve lost touch with what I knew about myself. If the interests of others pose any conflict, it keeps me from exploring what I want.

I’ve been working on this lately. I’ve tried to focus on making decisions based on what I want, not what I think others want. For those of you who are close to me and know me well, my change may seem like I’ve become a jerk (only because you think I am easy-going and am cool with whatever), but really, I’m just trying to live my life for me after years of ignoring what I want. This is a big milestone for me. If you can’t relate then either you are very well-balanced or you are that jerk of a person who never considers anyone but themselves. Either way, keep reading, please.

Until recently I couldn’t answer any of the questions I listed above. But I also couldn’t answer hundreds more like them. I truly did not know myself and I can’t tell you when, if ever, I had answers. The progress I have made recently is encouraging. Lemme tell you… If I could travel anywhere, it would be to Ireland or New Zealand. My favorite cuisine is Indian food. And my favorite music is anything that I can ‘feel’ with my eyes closed. A year ago, I might not have had these answers at the ready.

This is kinda fun for me because it feels like I am meeting myself for the first time. I am going over the things that I like and dislike and its even sometimes surprising what I come up with. For example, I thought my favorite color was green for years, but consistently I would buy clothes with blue in them. I would still tell people that I liked green, but you know… my favorite color is blue. Also, I used to tell people I liked all music except country because that was the cool thing to say in high school, but I actually don’t mind country music. It’s these little self-revelations that are fun for me and I am excited to learn more about myself as I continue on my way to jerkdom. Or as my favorite radio show would say, on my way to being a regular Woody Woodpecker. I’ll settle for a few steps up from Woody, but I’m tired of being the guy that’s cool with everything.